Before we get started, I really want to congratulate you. Most people never are willing to do what you are willing to do. You have taken an action to come to this page because you are proactively looking for a self-esteem help. Most people simply will whine and wallow in their misery and accept the cards that life has handed them. Not you!
Maybe you have realized what a central role in life self-esteem plays. I really do believe that it is not possible to achieve truly outstanding things in life with a lack of self-esteem. If you do not have a healthy sense of self-esteem, then you are not nearly operating at your full potential. But that’s great news – because there is so much more that you can get out of life, and there is so much more that you have to give and share that the world – including probably yourself – doesn’t know about.
Self-esteem affects your confidence, your happiness, your energy levels, your thinking, your feelings and emotions, your self-image, your goals and aspirations and the decisions that you make in life.
If you do not value yourself highly, how can you expect others to value you? What’s more, if you do not value yourself highly, you are unable to value and respect other people in a mature and confident way.
A lot of self-esteem issues come from comparing yourself to other people, or from trying to live up to the standards that someone else has set for you.
A lot of people also set themselves unrealistically high expectations. Remember that nobody is perfect. If you insist on getting everything right, you will never succeed. That is a simple reality of life, and we must learn to accept it, cope with it and make the best out of it.
Many times an underlying issue is also the desire to get approval from other people. We are all social creatures. We come in “tribes”. We want to be accepted by the group, the community, the “others”. We crave their admiration and respect, and if we do not get it, it can burn a painful whole into our sense of self-esteem that is hard to fill.
You might also want to try to become more assertive, learn to stand up for yourself and not give in to unreasonable or uncomfortable requests. Learn to say “No” and be comfortable doing so. You don’t own other people something just because they ask for you for a favor. It is still your very own decision, and it is important to put yourself first.
Think about it. If you have ever flown on an airplane, you might remember what they tell you during the security briefing. In case the cabin pressure drops and gas masks fall down, put a gas mask on your own face first, before you help other people – including your own children – to put on a mask. The reason is simple logic: if you pass out, you’re of no use to anybody. But if you are in good shape, if you have a gas mask, you can help even 20 other passengers.
And the same is true for self-esteem. Low self-esteem robs you of energy. Energy that could be used to help not just yourself but other people too.